Your grandchild just came out to you. Mazel tov! We are so glad that you are here. If your grandchild just shared this important information about their identity with you, that generally means that they trust you and knew that you would respond with compassion and support and lots of love. Thank you for being that kind of grandparent. And, you still might want some support navigating this. We are here to help you with your questions. 

1. First and foremost, please tell your grandchild that you love them! That you are so honored that they shared their truth with you. Be honest, let them know if you still have a lot of learning to do to understand what they are sharing, but that you are committed to doing it!
2. Your grandchild’s LGBTQ+ identity is just one part of who they are. Your grandkid is still the same person you knew before. This news shouldn’t change your relationship. Keep being the loving grandparent you are!
3. Some grandkids will want to tell you everything and answer all questions and some will want you to do that learning on your own. Ask your grandchild what is comfortable for them: Do they want to discuss and explore with you? Or, would they like you to do that on your own? 
4. Part of being an affirming Grandparent is to be familiar with the words that your grandchild is using. Keshet’s LGBTQ+ Terminology sheet is a great place to start.  
   • If you are still having a hard time updating a beloved young person or other family member’s pronouns, here is an excellent resource to help you get people’s pronouns right.
5. Read books with your grandchild that highlight a variety of family structures and characters to model that individuals and families show up in many different ways. 
   • I am Jazz 
   • Jamie and Bubbie: A Book About People’s Pronouns by Afsaneh Moradian 
   • The Last Place You Look by J. Wallace Skelton 
   • Lost and Found Hanukkah by Joy Preble 
   • Julián Is a Mermaid (Julián, #1) by Jessica Love 
   • Red: A Crayon’s Story by Michael Hall 
   • Any book by Home | Jessie Sima Author & Illustrator (esp. Not Quite Narwhal and Love, Z)
   • When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb (this one is great for older kids)
6. Infuse your Jewish observance/practice with LGBTQ+ affirming Jewish rituals. B’nai Mitzvah specific information is also available on the Jewish Grandparents Network’s website.
7. Learning is best when it is done in community. Encourage the Jewish organizations that you are involved with to engage with Keshet programs. Recommend that a Keshet educator provide a learning session for your community. 
8. Representation and visibility are crucial to ensuring that individuals and families know that you and your organizational spaces are welcoming. Have supportive signage in your buildings, inclusivity statements on your websites, bumper stickers on your car, wear affirming t-shirts and much more!
9. LGBTQ+ equality is a Jewish value! It is important to many other faith communities as well. Read this Statement from all many denominations affirming trans people.
10. Seek out support. You are not alone! There are social and support groups available for the families of LGBTQ+ relatives.  
    • Trans Generations is available for Grandparents  
    • Check out your local PFLAG chapter 
    • Dr. Dani Rosenkrantz offers a virtual support group for the parents of LGBTQ+ Jewish kids
    • See what local resources are available to you, or start one of your own!  Keshet is here to help you with that!

Further Reading

• How Grandparents Can Embrace and Affirm B-Mitzvah Grandchildren’s Many Identities
• Ray & June: Conversations Between a Trans Teen & His Grandmother

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Keshet envisions a world in which all LGBTQ+ Jews and our families can live with full equality, justice, and dignity.  Stay connected by joining our email list and following us on social media.

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