When I (Joy) converted to Judaism, the rabbi that I did my conversion with told me that Jewish rituals were like a treasure chest. The chest is full of all the rituals, and they are beautiful and amazing but if we try to wear them all at once, they will be too heavy. He explained that the best way to go about it is to pick out a few to try on and wear them for a while, see how they feel and how they fit. Not all rituals are for us; not all can be meaningful. I believe that there is no reason to continue to do a ritual that you do not find meaning in.  You may also find a ritual that you love and find deep meaning in, but you want to make it more you—which is something our Jewish ancestors, our LGBTQ+ ancestors, and our Jewish LGBTQ+ ancestors have been doing forever.

How Do You Make Rituals More You?  

Look at various Jewish rituals, ones that are time bound (rituals relating to a holiday, Shabbat, Havdallah) or not time bound (ritual objects, daily practice, personal rituals) and find the ones that you find interesting and possibly meaningful to you. Oftentimes we don’t find meaning in a ritual until we try it. (It’s okay if it doesn’t resonate with you or if the ritual starts to lose its meaning. We believe that the most important thing when performing rituals is that we find meaning in them and are not just going through the motions).

Tefillin

After I (Joy) attended my first ALEPH Kallah I decided that I wanted to try wrapping tefillin after seeing many different types of folks wrapping them at morning davening. This is a daily ritual, but also time bound. It also can be limiting due to financial restraints or not wanting to use leather (though, there are vegan tefillin available!). I was able to borrow some from a friend so I could try out the ritual before committing any money to buying some for myself. 

Tying Tzitzit 

Another example of a ritual you can try on as we enter the High Holy Days is tying your own tzitzit, which is one that has become particularly meaningful to me/us. Tzitzit are fringes connected to a tallit or prayer shawl, and they serve as a reminder of following God’s commandments or the ways we want to show up and do good in the world. Some people re-tie their tzitzit for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, to recommit to how they want to show up in the year ahead. It can be a way to prepare and do the spiritual and soul accounting, cheshbon hanefesh, that Jews practice this time of year.

While there are specific halachic requirements that might be meaningful for some people to follow when making tzitzit, like with all rituals, you should feel welcome to see what works for you. If something doesn’t feel resonant, try adapting it in a way that is more accessible or meaningful for you! 

There are choices when it comes to what strings to use for this process. Traditionally, white wool strings are used in addition to a blue thread that is commanded in the Torah. But like we have explained throughout this document, the point is to find something meaningful to you. You can also choose colorful threads instead. In her book “Tzitzit: A Talismanic Guide” Ketzirah haMa’agelet gives examples of colors that can be used and their meanings and provides a step-by-step process for preparing the threads if they were not spun specifically to be used as tzitzit.

When tying tzitzit there is a numerical system of knots and wraps. There are traditional tying methods, or you can also come up with your own system.

To tie with intention you can come up with prompts setting intentions for the year ahead. Here are some examples:

How do I want to show up and what values do I want to live by?

What actions can I commit to in the days, weeks, months ahead?

How will I care for myself?

How will I celebrate wins and honor my joy?

Each series of knots represents one of the prompts above. You should tie two knots for each prompt. Come up with as many answers for the number of wraps you’ll have in that section. 

In other words 1 wrap = 1 answer / 7 wraps = 7 answers. Once you’ve completed four sections, finish it off with two more knots so the wraps don’t unravel.

Once your tzitzit are finished you can add them to a tallit or turn them into a bracelet or hang from a necklace.

This ritual has been powerful for us as we usher in a new year. We hope you will find meaning in it or other rituals that allow you to embrace your full Jewish self. 

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Keshet envisions a world in which all LGBTQ+ Jews and our families can live with full equality, justice, and dignity.  Stay connected by joining our email list and following us on social media.

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